A couple nights ago, my daughter told me that she has started writing a story, using my old MacBook pro. I set it up on her desk in her room the night before when she asked me if she could borrow my old mac. Her little confession was a bit of surprise for me because I thought she wanted to use the Mac for net surfing or something. She used to read a lot and at one point she wanted to be a writer. It is funny how my wish passed on to her - I once wanted to be a writer, a published writer. But recently her future plan often alters. One day she wants to be a dancer and next day she wants to be a singer. Then the next day, she wants to be a student for the rest of her life. I am glad that she finds potential in herself every day!
This time, I do not think her motivation to start writing is not to be a writer. I suspect it might be similar to what I am doing. Writing has a healing effect. I am not talking about writing a literature or academic research paper which generally add more stress. I am talking about personal narratives like a diary or a blog that do not require a high level of storyline or coherency. Perhaps blogs serve various purposes depending on the author of the blog. In fact, my blog is mainly for my daughter and myself to read in our future, especially when we feel lost. If there are anyone who shares our sentiments and findings, that would be my extreme pleasure. Yet, it is just an extra goody. I am not a professional writer nor talented. When I think of readers in general, I get intimidated and my pen will be frozen. I try not to be as self-conscious as possible here. I just imagine myself in a small cosy study, writing my diary or more like a letter to my daughter from time to time.
Anyway, if she finds a healing effect in writing, it is definitely a good news for her because she is at one of the most challenging periods of her life. She is n the senior year in her high school which means she has to deal with the notorious entrance exam for university. The peer and social pressure gets the highest in the last year in high school. I vividly remember the period. It was awful. Can you imagine a classroom with full of insecure teenagers under extreme stress? I could not take the stress and started skipping classes in my final year which was one of the worst mistakes. I learned there was no short cut nor an easier way to pursue your goal. You think you can dodge your fear or stress, yet you can't escape from your disappointments forever. It will haunt you until you really face it. Once you face your fear, pressure, self-consciousness, ego or whatever caused the setback, you will be on the path of liberation. The liberation from your own guilts, regrets, fear, and even self-consciousness. The acceptance, compassion, and even self-love won't be achieved without reconciling with these notorious sentiments. Writing generally support the path of liberation.
Well, I am in a bit pensive mood this morning. Perhaps I've got a bit of serious tone. But I wish that she could enjoy the process of writing and keep on doing to get through one of the most notorious periods of her life.
Wednesday, 22 February 2017
Sunday, 8 January 2017
On the first day in 2017, I was going to write my new year resolution. But my relatives came unexpectedly earlier than I expected, so my busy day started without finishing the first blog on the first day. Since then it's been more than a week and today is the last day of the winter holiday, which means busy days will begin from tomorrow. What have I done during the winter holiday? Chatting with my daughter, shopping, checking SNS, posting some pics on Facebook, partying with some friends and my family, cooking for my family, doing trampoline, jogging, reading a bit, cleaning, planning for some new projects, writing an abstract for a research project, discussing about the potential projects, watching some movies and TV shows and scratching my head a lot (as usual). From the list of things I've done, I can say it was a peaceful, joyful and a bit fruitful holiday except the first medical check-up which was unbelievably painless and easy. But the possibility of having a seriously bad result got me concerned and very philosophical
on the previous night. I seriously tried to figure out what to do if I won't be allowed to run like a headless chicken (this was how I felt last year) anymore. I really don't mind working since I was on a long vacation as a student. I, of course, worked a bit, but only one third or fourth of what I did last year. Last year, I didn't have time to go crazy except some moments of absolute irritation towards my own incapacity to handle everything gracefully. Like I said, I looked and acted like a headless chicken, running around the campuses and home with something in my hand - mainly a pen or a spatula. What really irritated me was this image of myself in a panic state without any grace at all. The slow lifestyle I had in the last couple of decades spoiled my mind and I need to train it to be sharper and faster to deal with multitasks at hand. My strategy to tackle this sluggish and forgetful mind issue is to work something with other brilliant minds. It is said, "Two heads are better than one." But collaboration has its own challenges as it requires more communications and compromises. If you are not a team-worker, it might cause you a lot of stress. I see myself as an individual worker like my education and occupation shows- I am a school owner / a part-time lecturer-researcher and took a distance-learning course for my B.A. & M.A. But having worked with other teachers, I realized how empowering teamwork can be. So, it is my resolution: Collaborate with others. Fortunately, there are so many generous people in this world who do not mind working with this headless chicken with no grace. They kindly think I am a unique individual with potential. Ten years ago, I would hesitate to depend on those people's kindness, generosity and talents, but having lived a half century with some minor yet numerous health issues, I feel I can't afford to hesitate anymore. I don't know much, but I know one thing: Every moment creates my future. If I'd like to imagine myself working and living among those who live wholeheartedly pursuing their own life purpose a decade later, I've got to start to live like them NOW.
Thanks for reading this far. May this year be harmonious and adventurous for you!