Being a mum is such a challenging experience for me because I was spoilt as a kid and became very self-conscious, self-absorbed and self-destructive. Especially, the last trait got me in so many troubles and took me so long time to realise what my mission might be. Thanks to influential people in my earlier life, I became aware of the negative traits and tried to overcome them. I still have a lot of faults, yet a bit better than I used to be. On top of my personal struggles to be better, fulfilling mum's role is not so easy. I am far from my ideal mum who is so understanding and compassionate, yet fun to be around. The failure to be the ideal mum got me irritated and stressed out from time to time and ironically say and do something mean-spirited to my beloved daughter. I wish I could take a deep breath before I cast such words. Well, in spite of my faults, she is becoming a person who is capable of seeking the purpose of her life and doing her best to get it done. I am sure about this much more than before now.
Last night, in my car, as I drove her back home from her dance practice around midnight, I heard her mumbling, "Ah, it was a great summer." At the moment, I felt fulfilled. Such a moment empowers this silly mum to be the best she can.